Saga 4

An old thesis claims that "Had Cleopatra's nose been shorter, the whole face of the ancient world would have been different". Ummmmm... "The whole face", they say. Geddit? Now, don't get me wrong, but that phrase has been exploited over the years, to the sarcastic extent that today, most of those who re-exploit / re-interpret it don't even know its original context, or who Cleopatra was.

What if any part of the history or our personal lives would have changed under any circumstance? What if we've gone to bed one night, just to wake up in the morning and find a different world? The "Alternative History" genre is fascinating, since, regardless of the visible possibilities, there are hundreds of unseen elements... with each one forming the base for another thesis.
On the other hand, the first film in the not-so-holy "Butterfly Effect" trilogy, addressed the possible options to a greater effect... from which we've learned that even if the universe can be tampered with, things may not always work out to our full satisfaction, yet the outcomes (or most of these) can form parts of daily entertainment.
As the old joke says, "What if Sony made toasters... The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it's meant to toast, could be conveniently attached to your belt". Now, imagine yourself a world without the net...

"People think we're metal, but we were never accepted by that crowd".

What would we get if Dire Straits crossed paths with Chris Rea?
Metaphorically speaking, the answer to that particular question is, probably, "diarrhea"... but if we slip into the none-metaphoric territory, and dig deep into alternative lifestyle and alternative music, we are bound to realize that a combination of such type can come true, and not in a parallel universe.
So, what if Jim Morrison (of The Doors) crossed paths with Black Sabbath?
Now we're talking! Sure, the whole concept evokes connotations which make the idea itself sound funny as hell. Err... hell? Indeed, there's no pun intended here... and you know what? Such hybrid is in existence since 1988... and though Glenn Danzig and his combo have been doing their best to scare people away, the results (well, at least on their first four albums) are funny... and I'm not being funny: as a happy owner of a genuine copy of their first album, I tend to giggle every time it's played on my stereo. They call him 'Evil'? Come on, give us a break!
OK then... Under what term can we pigeonhole that phenomenon? As a whole, it's funny, yet it's not a joke. In that case, let's take it seriously... with a twist.

In an interview for Classic Rock magazine back in 2001, Danzig explained why he wouldn't be supplying songs to Christina Aguilera. Whilst his "threats" don't come near as scary as those recently made by either Tayyip Erdoğan or Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, the point to be made here is effectively a query: has anyone ever asked him to write for the aforementioned blonde singer?
Alright then, so, what would you get if you crossed Danzig with Christina Aguilera?
There can only be one possible answer. That must be "a blonde joke".

Sincerely yours,

Matt Gee